Memoirs of a Dead Rockstar
by spicygenou
Summary: Kazuko, lead singer of the hit band KazuCocoa, finds herself in Soul Society after an obsessed fan's attack. She soon meets a Captain of the Gotei 13, and travels with him for her own protection, despite that murderous look of his. KenpachiXOC
1. Chapter 1

Have you ever loved something so much that you'd do anything for it? You'd be willing to let it go, devote yourself to it, or even kill for it?

How about wanting to kill it?

Sound crazy? Well, it happens. Happened to me, which is why I'm dead, all thanks to one of my certifiably crazy fans.

My story starts on Earth, and by that I mean when I was alive on it. I had just given a concert in Tokyo, Japan, my hometown, and also a pool filled with my followers. It was the third stop on the 100 city KazuCocoa World Tour. KazuCocoa's the name of my band, by the way, and I'm Kazuko Johnson, the half Japanese, half American beauty/singing sensation, but I'm sure you already knew that. Who wouldn't?

Anyway, the concert went great, I sang along to my awesome top-40 hits that I wrote, thank you very much. I was practically the only one on stage, seeing as the band's fifth guitarist was playing off beat the whole time and my 3rd drummer was still hungover from the last concert's afterparty in Beijing. God, sometimes, it's hard to believe that I, the 21 year old, have to be the mature professional in all this. Afterwards, I was sitting in my dressing room, getting ready to go clubbing with some of my peeps when my manager knocked on the door. It's actually my manager's assistant, but since my manager's constantly away on his yacht, living it large off the money I make for him, his assistant Jeff does all the work.

Jeff's a cute kid, really. He's 25, and has been trying to get his business degree or something from the University, though I forgot which one. He always has this nifty little clipboard with him, along with his everpresent bluetooth headset which makes it hard to tell whether he's talking to me or some other less important schmuck on the phone. He has this huge crush on me, but after going out with him for a week, I decided against a relationship with him; he can be a total hard-ass when making deals or striking contracts, but he's a sweet little wimp, much too squishy for someone like me.

So, he knocks on the door and he tells me a couple fans are here to see me. Oh ya, I remember, those contest winners who got backstage passes to meet moi. Oops. I'm not good at remembering little details, especially little details concerning little people, and by little people I mean people other than, well, me. So I fix my make-up and adjust my outfit. It's very cool. My feet are covered with black studded stilleto booties, with matching fingerless gloves. I have on a fishnet, short sleeve shirt and over that a black leather, strapless dress that hugs my body, a body voted "Hottest Bikini Body of the Year, under 25 division" in Fab 'n' Fit magazine, all thanks to my diet of not eating and my personal trainer Fabio. He's also a pretty attractive guy, but that relationship only lasted two weeks, since he turned out to be a total creep, who enjoyed making me do sit-ups as our dates. Oops. I'm getting sidetracked again. I'm ready now, so I say "Come in," and in walks this super tall guy with orange hair and this busty girl with even oranger hair. She squeals when she sees me, but the guy looks a little bored.

"Hey guys," I say, trying to keep up my relaxed and chill image I claim to have in all my interviews (even though I'm honestly a total control freak, neat freak, and overall freak [not in that way, you pervs]) as I stand up to meet them, speaking in perfecto Japanese, "I'm Kazuko, who're you guys?"

The girl shakes my outstretched hand, giving my arm a mini seizure. "I'm Inoue Orihime, and I'm a huuuuuuuge fan." She pulls out this huge gift basket full of my favorite treats from out of nowhere. She's rambling about how much she loves me and my music. She even starts singing one of my more recent ones, "Life's a Bitch, and You're My Life." I honestly hate when people steal my spotlight by singing my song. Like, who's the one getting paid millions to grace the world with her voice? Me, not you.

I turn to the guy and ask him his name. He's scowling, but I think that's his usual look. "Kurosaki Ichigo." He says curtly.

"Nice to meet you two. Congrats on winning my contest." I beam. "Did you guys have any questions or anything?"

The girl finally shut up and said, "Oh, I didn't really think of that. But when Kurosaki-kun won this contest, he invited me since he knew I was such a huge fan, and I'm just super honored to meet you, and I want you to know that I and all of my friends completely support you and don't believe any of those nasty rumors the magazines have been writing about you, about you getting plastic surgery and all that." As if she needed to remind me. Those damned jealous writers just kept spewing all this crap about me going under the knife. Ya, right. First off, I hate knifes and needles and hospitals and those gown things and doctors and white rooms, and second, I've worked way too hard for this body, I never take the easy way out. So I smile at her and say:

"Thanks, Orihime, can I call you that?" She seems to faint when I call her by her first name, but nods eagerly. I continue, "That was way nice of your boyfriend to do this for you." I turn to him and wink, though he's completely unfazed.

"Oh. Kurosaki-kun's not my boyfriend. We're just friends." She's blushing, as if she wishes that weren't true. Just to make things more awkward for them, I squeeze them together in an awesome luff hug and squeal.

"But you guys would be so cute together. You're bubbly, and he's not, so you guys totally balance each other out!" I return them to their normal positions, and as they straighten out their hair and clothes, the girl completely red and the guy with a teensy tiny bit of pink on his cheeks, I glare at him. "Unless there's... someone else?" My words are dripping with spite and he looks totally freaked and he raises his hands in defense.

"No! No! No! Inoue-san and I have just been friends for a really long time."

"Then why don't you call her by her first name? Or she you, for that matter? Ichigo-kun, and Orihime-chan. Simple! Heck, I'm already on a first name basis and I just met you guys!" I playfully smack them on their heads, smooshing them together once more. "So, I've got to get going now, do you want an autograph or something?"

The girl's creepily white smile is practically blinding me as she hands me a big, silver, sparkly (I love those types!) Sharpie marker and a shirt from the concert shop. I write: _To my number one fan, Orihime, Stay your cool and crazy self! :] Lots o' luff, KazuCocoa._ My signature is huge and the curves of the letters are sharp and edgy. It looks awesome, and she clutches it to her chest as if it's the only thing keeping her alive. I turn to the guy, but he just shrugs. "I came here for Inoue-san, not for me."

I smile at the two of them, and with one last luff hug to each, they leave and I wave goodbye. I love my fans, I truly do, but talking to them can be so taxing. Though, I did like that girl. I totally hope her and that guy get together! So cute! So, now I'm ready to go to the club. I hop in my limo and my driver, Jeeves (he's also my butler, and I spent months looking for a worker with that name!) peels out of there. We pop out of this underground tunnel thing, and now I see the amazing night lights of Tokyo. No matter where I go in the world, nothing compares to this scene. I love my hometown! My dad met my mom here. He was a tourist with a major in Japanese, and she was working her way through college at this fish shop. He went in to buy some fish, and poof, true love at first sight. They dated and got married a year and a half later, then poof, nine months later, me! (I won't go into the details of that second poof. Gross. Old people love.) They flew to America, my dad was pretty wealthy, which is how he was able to afford the extended vacation, to introduce his wife and daughter to his parents for the first time. They were lounging at their country club after an intense game of tennis. My dad had taught my mom a bit of English, and my grandparenst absolutely loved her! Me? Not so much. Not till I started earning bank, that is, thus earning them even more bank. My mom's parents also loved my dad, even though he was pure white boy from Tennessee, and she was 100% Japanese, her family tree rooted deep in the heart of the island country. Then, they lived in my dad's hometown for a while. My mom got her degree and opened a huge corporation thing called Japamer Records, a record company that gave yours truly her first break. My career started when I was 16, and I was a huge hit to tons of people. I spoke English and Japanese, so I impressed at the interviews big time. Then, the rest was history. My parents love me, but I'm away so much on tour that I rarely see them. Plus, my mom's always away on business and when she has a break, the two of them go on exotic vacations all over the world. They also love all the money I make, the money that covers my mom's shopping addiction (and her secret, though not to me, of course, addictions to some other stuff) and my dad's insufferable love for tacky souvenirs from the places they visit, souvenirs that cost up in the quadruple digits range. Sadly, I'm not a lovely golden shade like my mom. I'm pure white, with dark, straight hair. But, it's been died and currently is black with blonde highlights. Or, is it blonde with black highlights? Who knows? It fits my edgy rocker chick look to a tee, that's for sure. Oops. Sorry, I'm rambling again.

We finally pull up to the club, where I'm given the VIP treatment, as I should be. I go out back to the alley to cool off an hour later. I'm a bit sweaty (inherited from my constantly damp dad), and the night air feels great. My best friend Morgan is chilling next to me, smoking a cancer stick. Gag. I think I'll dump her soon, 'cause like my last 2 best friends she's a huge smoker and druggie and overall skunk bag that I don't want to hang around. She's always trying to steal my spotlight too, by throwing herself all over my boyfriends! So, all of a sudden, I see something. It's like a giant monster out of the movies, black, with a huge hole in its chest giving me a nice view of the grimy brick wall behind it. It has a skullish mask over its face, and black, endless eyes of creepiness.

"M-Mo?" I stutter, shaking my friend who was texting someone-probably Dave, my current boyfriend. "What is that?"

I gesture to the thing, and she stares blankly. Returning to her phone, she rolls her eyes, "A wall. I dunno."

"Seriously! It's creepy! How can you not see it?" It chuckles.

"You can see me, eh? Maybe I'll eat you first, then, so that your friend may be able to see me too." I take his threat seriously, and being the good Samaritan I am, I poke Mo.

"Hey, did you see that DJ? He was totally checking you out. Maybe you should go chat him up, or something," I suggest, trying to get her to leave the danger zone. I figured that anyone around me would be at risk, so I had to sacrifice myself for the greater good! Well, Mo and all the clubbers, at least.

She smiles, a rarity, "Really? Thanks! You're in a good mood. Normally you'd take him all for yourself. See ya!" She snaps her phone shut and ditches me with the It, who's laughing again.

"How noble of you! I can settle with just you then." With a whoosh, he shoots toward me, his mouth wide open. I shut my eyes, but nothing happens. Peeking them open, I see this dude, the one from before, dressed in this black kimono with a gargantuan sword against the thing's mouth. It reels back and lets out this awful scream that sounds like when you bring the microphone too close to the speaker, but more animalistic. With a swing, he cuts It down and it evaporates. He's about to walk away like nothing happened when I speak up.

"Hey. You're that kid from before. What was that?"

He looks at me all shocked. "You can see me? Well, I don't think you'd understand. That was a Hollow, a dead creature that eats souls."

I put up my hand like I'm some crossing guard (a cute one, though). "Wait a sec. A soul eating monster? What is this, _Dracula?_ Do you really expect me to believe that? Is this a prank? I bet Mo and Dave were so in on it, trying to distract me so they could make out or something. Jerks." I speak to him again. "Who are you, and who hired you? They were good special effects, but I can so sue you for assault."

"No, this is real. It's not a prank. I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to give you any more information."

"I get it. I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you. Well, Kurosaki Ichigo and Inoue Orihime better have been fake names, 'cause I'm going to ruin you and her and anything affiliated with your names if you don't tell me the truth!"

"I don't doubt that, but Inoue and I had nothing to do with this attack. We've been trying to stop these things from killing any more people." Then he walks off, his sword wrapping in white bandages by itself. I know I wasn't hallucinating. I didn't do drugs, and I hadn't had one drink, seeing as I can _not_ hold my liquor at all. I return to the club, but I'm sidetracked for the rest of the night. It's time to leave, so I'm walking to the limo with my bodyguard. Mo had run off with the DJ, so she didn't need a ride. Some punk tries to touch me, so Frank pushes him back. Then, almost in slow motion, I turn and I see this guy in a black jacket. He rips it open revealing one of my concert T-shirts with my face on it. Then, from his jacket he pulls out a gun. Frank is rushing toward me, yelling "Kazuko! Kazuko!" The other guy is also yelling as he pulls the trigger, "I love you KazuCocoa!" Frank tackles me to take me out of the guy's line of fire, but it was already shot.

I don't know which my body comprehended first, the bang or the pain. Blood was oozing from the hole in my chest, it felt like it was right where my heart was. I blacked out, and that was my last memory of life.

Then, I was like a spirit, floating above my body. Ambulances are blaring and their lights are flashing as guys rush around me. I see Mo, bawling, genuine tears that make me really grasp what's going on.

"Holy shit! I'm dead." I'm flailing around panicking, but no one notices. Frank is telling some officer what happened, and he looks suicidal. Jeff just barely pulled up in his Mercedes, and he's panicking worse than me. I also see the shooter, with the gun in his hand and blood pooled around his head. Ah, so he kills me then offs himself. What a douche. I wish I could've been killed by someone with more balls than that wimp, although honestly, I wish I hadn't been killed at all. The EMT steps away from my body, and people look at him expectantly, and he shakes his head sadly, and Mo is choking on her tears now. A few tears are even coming from me. Jeff makes a few calls, probably to break the news to my parents, and then Channel 4 news comes. There are two trucks, one with a Japanese reporter and the other with an American one. They say pretty much the same thing and get the same shots, though in different languages. "This just in. In Tokyo, Japan, leaving the afterparty of her concert, Kazuko Johnson, the lead singer of the band KazuCocoa, was shot. She has been pronounced dead on arrival."

Man, you never really comprehend how much death is until you're dead, and even then, it's bigger than you. I feel so alive to myself, but as far as everyone else is concerned, I'm no longer breathing, my body has stopped functioning. Dead on arrival. The words echoe through my head. I didn't even have a chance. Poor Frank. He was so dedicated to this job, and he'll be blaming himself for the rest of his life, I just know it. I sit on the curb, though I have no clue how my body is staying above the surface since whenever I tried to touch anything physical, I failed. I noticed that there was this huge chain attached to my chest that jingled as I walked, reminding me of that ghost guy in A Christmas Carol. So I stand, and start following wherever it goes.

Days pass as I walk, and the chain seemes to never end. I'm never hungry, even after all this excercise, or thirsty for that matter. Finally, I pop into this town, Karakura Town. It's a quaint little thing, but big enough to have a bunch of my fans, I'm sure. My chain is pulled a bit taut now, so I must be getting close. Eventually, I come to a high school, where class has just gotten out, judging by the surplus of schoolgirls and guys walking outside. I love Japanese uniforms! So cute! Anywho, I see that one guy, and his girlfriend, even though he's completely ignoring her and talking to this short litte creature. Then I notice, my chain is attached to the dude! Weird.

I approach them, and soon the black haired chick notices me. "Ichigo. Look, a soul. You can work on your soul burial technique." Her eyes followed the chain attached to me then she finally noticed where it ended. Her eyes widened. "Ichigo! Look!" He also has bug eyes at the chain.

"But.. How? It wasn't here till she came closer. Wait a sec'. Inoue, is that...?"

She shrieks, "KazuCocoa! But she's dead! It was all over the news!"

"Of course she's dead, how else could she be a soul?"

"Um. Who's KazuCocoa?" Shorty asks. Oh, no she did not. First, she steals my fan's boyfriend, then she calls him by his first name, and now she claims to not know me? I quicken my stride and am in front of her in seconds. I grab her shirt and lift her, which surprises me, since I hadn't been able to touch anything for a while. I bet it looks weird to others, this girl floating as if someone was holding her up, but with no one else there.

"Listen, you uncultured shrimp. The name's KazuCocoa, something you should've known if you hadn't been living in a cave your whole life. And you," I drop her and glare at the guy. "What the hell is this? You save me from some _thing_, and then you totally leave me hanging. Now I'm dead, but shouldn't I be in heaven, or something? You had better tell me what's going on right now!"

"Can I tell her, Rukia? I mean, she'll be going to Soul Society anyway soon, right?"

"I think I should, since you hardly know everything yourself." She looks at me, seemingly alright with the fact that just moments before I was holding her a few inches of the ground. Then she gives this boring explanation of a place called Soul Society and Hollows and blah blah blah, complete with these crap drawings. As she talks, the links on my chain start to fade, then stop when I have about 5 left.

"Okay okay, I get it. So, can't you Shinigami just send me there now, before I turn into a Hollow thingy?" She nods, then whacks Ichigo with her gloved hand.

"Yes. You can do it, Ichigo, since I think the only thing that kept her here on earth was your silence and lack of explaining things, idiot," she scolded him.

Now he was dressed like the guy that saved me and he says, "Well, I can't just go telling everyone about Soul Society who can see me, now can I?" Then he looks at me with intense eyes and puts his sword up. I look down and meet his eyes (I'm pretty tall, 6 feet normally, [another trait from my lanky 6 foot 2 nerd of a dad] and with my 3 inch stiletto heels, even more so), and he touches the bottom of his sword to my forehead. He says something, but I close my eyes as a sense of weightlessness flows throughout me. I feel the peace and release that should come with death. Even through lidded eyes, there's a bright light around me, and everything is bathed in white. Slowly, this fades, and when I open my eyes, I'm in this dark, creepy forest. My feet are no longer pinchy, I notice, for somehow I've changed into a dark purple old-style kimono and those weird clog type sandals. I stand and brush myself off, taking in the scenery. It's not much, honestly, so I walk forward, hoping to find something. What I find is hardly worth the wait. In a clearing is a dozen or so men, all bloodied up and dead on the ground. This humongo guy with a battered sword stands over them, blood dripping from his weapon. A pink haired girl in sitting on his shoulder, somehow avoiding his super spiky hair as she chills on his white cloak. Despite my occasional coldness, I absolutely adore children. I can't just let this poor thing get murdered by this oaf! So, I sprint into the scene, and snatch up the girl. The guy looks at me strangely, but I stare him down, clutching the child protectively.

"Who the hell are you?" His voice is gruff and deep, a perfect representation of his ragged appearance.

"I'm Kazuko," I reply, dropping my English surname for the time being, "I don't know what happened here, but I can't let some murderer kidnap this poor, defenseless, thing!" She's wriggling in my arms, so I readjust her and she's fine.

Then, she speaks up, "Ken-chan didn't kidnap me! He's my friend!" And, cue the waterworks. I hold her away from me and raise a brow at "Ken-chan."

"She's yours?" What kind of woman would... conceive with this creep?

He huffs, "No, I found Yachiru, and she hasn't left me alone since." She leaps from my arms back to his shoulder. He's about to walk off, and I decide to follow him. Hey, in the business world, you latch on to someone with talents, then ditch 'em once you've sucked 'em dry to go leech off someone else. Well, that's what Jeff told me. I was always the person being used by managers and stuff, not the other way around. This guy seems tough. Maybe I can stay with him and he can fight off bandits and whatever else comes my way. So I keep up with him, and he hardly notices, even when I speak. Yachiru had fallen asleep on his shoulder by now, even though we've only been walking for a few minutes and she honestly hasn't done any excercise this whole time.

"Not much of a conversationist, are you?" I break the silence.

"Not much of a shut-the-hell-up-ist, are you?" he counters.

Being my testy self, I lash out, and punch him in the arm, pretty hard, much harder than I ever had in the human world. He skids back and knocks into a tree, snapping the trunk and sending it to the ground. Now I'm regarding my fist with awe, but then I look and see him smirking at me. "Maybe you'd prove to be an interesting opponent." I hold up my arms in defense and cower, to which he scoffs, "Nevermind."

"What's your name?" I ask as we make our way through the forest.

"Zaraki Kenpachi."

Soon, we come to a town. We check into an inn for the night, for free! I suppose chopping the owner's finger off was pretty good persuasion. I sit down, far from the dude and Yachiru. And that's how I found myself alone in a room with the most murderous man in all of Soul Society and his pet. And who says celebrities make bad choices?

* * *

Yay! Chapter 1 = done! I know I shouldn't be writing another story when I've got others out, but I've had this one as an idea for a long time! Writing in first person is actually pretty fun, and it goes a lot faster than in third person. I tried to get the voice of Kazuko through rather than my writing voice, but they're actually pretty similar, though I'm not quite as vain as she is, haha! Well, I hope you like! I think this will eventually become a fic between her and Kenpachi, but we'll see. She's pretty different from other OCs that end up with Kenpachi: even though she's tough, she has a real girly side and isn't battle crazy! :O Anyway, reviews appreciated, but not required! :]


	2. Chapter 2

**This story is rate K+ for mild language. If this rating is wrong, let me know and I'll change it! The words you'll see don't include the "f word", so I don't thing it qualifies as a "T" rating...**

* * *

I woke up after feeling something jump on my side. I was curled up in a tight ball, completely covered by my blanket—my therapist said that I do this because I have "abandonment issues." Pfft. Why would I have those? It's not like all of my friends only like me for my money or famousness, and that once I'm old and lip syncing all my dated pop tunes between hip replacements I won't have a single person to talk to... Ya. So not me. Anyway, as I "clutch to any stable presence, which represents a need for consistency", I realized the thing is not getting off. I peeked my head out from under the blanket to see Yachiru stradling me. Creep.

"What are you doing?" I asked with a yawn and a stretch.

"It's time to wake up! Ken-chan and I have to get back to Seireitei!"

"You guys live there? Ya, I've heard of it. Where is Patchy-chan?"

She laughed, "Patchy-chan! Who's that?"

I joined it, "Well, you gave him a nickname, so I should be able to too, don't ya think?"

"Okay!"

I looked around, "So, where is he?"

"He went outside to find someone to fight! He loves fighting."

"I've noticed. If you guys live in Seireitei, why are you chillin' out here? Isn't the Seireitei supposed to be tons nicer than Rukongai?"

"Well, Ken-chan and I get really bored, and there aren't as many people there who are strong enough and willing to fight him. It makes him even angrier, so we take little vacations out here so he can take out his anger."

"And you're fine with watching him murder people in super bloody ways?"

"Yep!" she cheers.

I had an idea, so I said, "So, if you guys live in Seireitei, you must be nobles. Wealthy, no?"

"No, we're Shinigami. He's the taichou, and I'm fukutaichou of the 11th division."

_This little girl? _I thought._ The second strongest in her division? No. Freaking. Way. It makes sense that the dude's so highly ranked, but this picixe? And, if he's taichou,shouldn't he be, like, manning the fort or something?_

"But you have money, right?"

"Of course! The taichou gets a huge salary, and so does the fukutaichou! But we don't really shop a lot!"

I'm sure my eyes took on an evil glint as I continued, "Hmm... Let's go look for Patchy-chan!"

We left the room and went outside, passing the front deskman who cowered behind his desk when he saw us. It wasn't hard to find the huge guy, I mean, you just follow the path of destruction, amirite? Man, I shoulda been a stand up comedian. There he was, standing over this emaciated guy who's covered in cuts and sweat, shivering in this little crater. He held up his arm and scrunched his eyes shut, preparing for the final blow, but it never comes.

Sheathing his sword, Kenpachi scoffed, "Weaklings don't deserve the honor of dieing in battle." He turned from his opponent, who faints from exhaustion, and relief, I'm sure.

"Ken-chan!" Yachiru glomped her father figure, who grunted in annoyance. He walked right past me, only the slight roll of his eyes signifying that he acknowledged my presense.

"Kenpachi-kun," I said in my patented I'm-gonna-ask-for-something-and-you'd-better-give-it-to-me voice.

"What?" He looked at me strangely when I hooked my arm through his.

"I was wondering." My lip quivered a wee bit. "Well, I just got here from the human world, and I'm not accustomed to the strange ways of this place, especially the clothes. Yachiru told me that you would be okay if I borrowed some money and went shopping. Could I?" Cue the irresistable pout.

He seemed taken aback by my look and tone, but he covered by grunting. "Fine. We need to leave this town anyway. I got a hell butterfly that there's a Captain's meeting later."

"Yay! But, you don't seem too much like the meeting-attending type."

"I normally don't care, but the old man said that if I didn't come, he'd ban fighting in my squad, which is unacceptable."

"Your father?"

"What? No! Just this old guy."

"You follow the orders of some random old guy?"

"He happens to be the soutaichou, so he's not some gramps off the street. Get whatever you need from that market, and make it quick." Man, he was gonna regret those words. With a squeal, I ran to the center square where tons of merchants had set up shop and were displaying their wares proudly. There were many shops with robes like the one I was wearing, some were incredibly bland, while others were exotically embroidered. But, even the nicest robes didn't impress me. Where was the leather? The denim? The pure awesome? Not here, that's for sure. I passed through the line of stalls ignoring the loud merchants advertising their products for sale. Then, I stopped in front of... heaven.

My mouth hung open as my eyes widened to an incomparable size. This building was beautiful. Concrete, square, and cold, with impressive one-way glass windows, like the shops on Madison Avenue. I strolled in in a trance, taking in the majesty around me. Gucci, Prada, Dolce and Gabana. All my faves lounged on glass shelves or white mannequins below bright lights that made the shoes, clothes, and bags shine like the heaven-sent articles they were.

"Where... where am I?" I asked aloud in wonder.

"Welcome to Humana. The only store in all Soul Society that boasts thousands of products straight from the human world department stores. We hand steal—er, select—everything you see here from the most high-end fashion shoppes around the world. You, ma cherie, seem like a woman with impeccable tastes, flawless skin, and a modelesque figure." He spoke with a French accent. I had never—and still haven't—met another metrosexual, Japanese man with a French accent.

"Well you're right about those things. I just came from the human world. I lived in the US, but spent time all over the world, mainly Japan and Europe. I came here dressed like—" I shuddered, "_this._ Hey, you're familiar with the human world and what was hot, right?"

"Of course."

"Then you should know me! Ever heard of KazuCocoa?"

His eyes widened, "Why! You're... I had heard of her—your—tragic murder! And to think that you came to Soul Society, to Rukongai, to my shop! Your dress style was inspirational! I will help with your new wardrobe, mademoiselle. It would be my honor." He bowed to me, like I was the freaking queen of England. Or France. Do they have a queen? Whatev.

"Thank you, sir...?"

"My name is Francois Rousseau. Please, come with me so I may take your measurements." He led me to the back of the store, and I passed tons of trinkets from the human world that weren't just clothes. There were phones, iPods, books, magazines, newspapers. It was like I had died and... not left Tokyo. The dressing rooms were huge and brightly lit, each stall feauturing a wall length mirror facing a slightly raised pedastal and comfy looking couches. I stood on the disk, and he promptly pulled out a cloth strip with lines and numbers all up its length. I was used to this treatment, so I took appropriate poses for my measurements without instruction.

"Oh! Que vous etes belle! Your beauty is unimaginable, and to think, I, Francois Rousseau, get to prepare clothes for you!" He practically fainted but regained his composure. "I will be back with your new attire. We have magazines which featured spreads of you, so I will examine these and select items accordingly. You may wait here, or browse, whatever your heart desires." He scurried out of the room, humming a tune which I recognized as "Shotgun" by, well, moi.

I left the back room, and returned to the front. Surprisingly, Kenpachi and Yachiru were there, looking at the clothes with interest.

"Thank you so much, Patchy-kun! Francois, he's a huge fan of me, he's customizing my wardrobe right now. Hey! Why don't you guys get some stuff too!"

"Ken-chan! These clothes are so weird!"

My eyebrow twitched, "They're normal clothes, not like these robe things from, like, the Middle Ages."

"Wait, who's Francois? And a fan? Of you? What have you ever done?" Kenpachi spoke up. "And, are you gonna call me 'Patchy-kun' for the rest of your life?"

"Of course not! I may come up with another nickname later!" I sighed, "Man, it'll be hard getting used to people not knowing who I am. How do I sum up all of my awesomeness for a completely clueless audience." I put my hand to my chin, then, a light bulb went _ding_! in my head. "Why, elementary, my dear Watson!" I rushed on over to the magazine rack. It was still pretty close to the beginning of September, so the papers weren't filled with my face and the words "Dead". There was one, however, that did have my face plastered on the cover, wearing a cute purple tee shirt and dark blue jeans in my room—my "casual" look. They had interviewed me about two months ago, and just barely published it a few weeks before my tragic death. I picked one up and leafed to the page featuring my Q&A. "Here!" I tossed it to Patchy who caught it with little interest. "You can read all about me!"

"Oh, Mademoiselle Kazuko! I have found clothes to _die_ for!" Francois paled behind the huge stack of clothes in his arms. "Oh, pardon me, I didn't mean 'die' but, well..."

I laughed, "It's okay, Monsieur Rousseau. Alright, let's go try them on." I turned to my travel buddies. "You don't have to read it, but it'll give you some insight into the the world of KazuCocoa!" With a dramatic flourish, I exclaimed, "Let us go, good man Francois!" and we headed to the fitting rooms.

**POV Shift! :O**

I stared at the tiny booklet being bent in my hands. Yachiru had run off to the toy section of the store, or so I assumed by her loud squeals. This Kazuko girl is very strange. She acts all high and mighty but out of place. I'm not a big fan of reading, hell, that's why I don't do paperwork. There are more important things to do in life, like fight, or nap, or eat, or fight. Whatever. Maybe if I know more about her, I can scare her off. That'd be nice. I hope she doesn't expect to stay with us when we get to Seireitei.

Anyway, I looked at the page she had opened up to. On the left page was a large picture of her laughing. She looked much different dressed in human clothes. She was in a bright room, sitting on a fuzzy white pillow. On the right were the dreaded words. Taking a deep breath, I dove into the text.

_The sun is shining, the sky is cloudless. It's hot and stuffy, typical weather for July in Memphis, Tennessee. Yamada Hotaru—yours truly—sits across from one of the most famous young women in this millenium. Normally clad is outrageous outfits said to have been Lady Gaga's inspiration, Kazuko Johnson looks like any average girl in size 2 True Religion jeans and a purple _Beatles_ tee. Her apartment less than ten minutes away from her parents' mansion where she grew up is lacking of hints revealing a 21 year old inhabitant's tastes. After her butler answered the door, I met the Japanese-American rockstar for the first time. One thing many people don't know about her is her incredible height—centimeters over six feet. She certainly towers over me, at just five foot four, and countless other celebs she may bump into at A-list parties or on the red carpet. She seems cold and distant, and doesn't hesitate to speak of her acheivements. At first glance, she may just be any other shallow, prideful celebrity, but her inciteful and often laughter provoking answers reminded me of some of my closest friends. The interview went off without aplomb, and I can certainly say that Kazuko, or KazuCocoa, as she is more often called, is one of the more interesting people I've interviewed, and I can't wait to see what this talented artist will come up with next._

_The following interview is conducted by Yamada Hotaru to Kazuko Johnson. The questions and answers have been copied word for word._

_Yamada Hotaru: So, Johnson-san—_

_Kazuko Johnson: You can call me Kazuko, Hotaru-chan._

_YH: Very well. So, when would you say that you gained an interest in music?_

_KJ: Oh, I've been a music lover since I was way young, like 3. My mom founded Japamer records, so I was immersed into the music world from the start, practically. I actually started with the violin, which is how I first learned how to write sheet music and about music theory and all that._

_YH: So your start was in classical music?_

_KJ: (laughs) Kinda. I liked to mix things up a bit and didn't follow the rules of the violin too much. In our class concertos, I would up the tempo a smidge and we would totally rock out with our cellos and stuff. The kids liked it, but the maestro? Not so much. I liked to play the violin, like, normally and stuff, but I preferred playing to the beat of my heart instead of following some pre-written crap._

_YH: What is your favorite instrument to play nowadays?_

_KJ: It's still the violin, definitely._

_YH: Why don't you play it anymore?_

_KJ: Oh, I do, but violin's don't fit too well into the whole rock group thing, ya know. I just sing and occasionally do guitar for the band, but I'm sure you knew that._

_YH: Who has been your greatest inspiration?"_

_KJ: You certainly jump around from question to question, don't ya? Hm. I don't really have one. It's just me, really._

_YH: Just you? Why is that?_

_KJ: My therapist says I'm a bit self-centered, but hey, tons of other people revolve around me, so why can't I revolve around myself? Figuratively, of course, because revolving around oneself is physically impossible._

_YH: (laughs) Alrighty then. What's your favorite food._

_KJ: Well, I'm on a strict eating regimen, but my all time fave is cheese pizza. But not just any cheese pizza, I'm talking cheese pizza from Pizza Hut that's been chillin' in the fridge and is hard as a rock that you have to sneak past your parents' room to get to at midnight. That's the life._

_YH: Interesting. So, you're starting your world tour soon. What are your thoughts on that?_

_KJ: Well, it's pretty damn awesome. I can't wait to see my fans all over the world, and tons of people should buy tickets, like, now! Before it's sold out!_

I looked up when I heard Kazuko cheer with a triumphant "Ta-da!" She had changed, and that stalker guy from earlier beamed behind her as if he was responsible for her transformation. She did look different, most would consider her "hot" and "attractive", but, I've never had time for women. Make war, not love.

"How do I look?" She throws her hands in the air, straining the strings holding her bags stuffed with clothes as they swing above her head.

"Can we go now?" I ask.

She pouts, "That's all you have to say?"

"Yes. Let's go."

"Um, mademoiselle Kazuko?"

"Oui, Francois?"

"As much as I would love to service you free of charge, my store would probably go out of business if I did."

"I understand. That guy's covering me. How much?"

"Well, ten pairs of jeans, six tee shirts, fourteen pairs of shoes, seven scarves, five pairs of gloves, eight belts, nine dresses, twenty under clothing items, ten handbags, an iPod touch and all its accessories, and a subscription to four magazines to be delivered to the residence of Zaraki Kenpachi-taichou. Your total is..." he pushes some buttons on a calculator. "Add in sales tax and service fee... about $9,693 and sixty-four cents."

"Alrighty! Patchy?" She looks at me expectantly.

I'd never spent a dime of my captain's salary, so over the years I'd kept a pretty hefty nest egg, so I could cover this easily. But, what kind of person spends almost _ten thousand _dollars in _one_ shopping trip? I'll never understand women. But, after she glares at my hesitation, I hand the gay guy my Gotei 13 dedit card after snatching it from Yachiru who enjoys playing with it—how? I'll never know.

"Thank you so much, Patchy-kun! I can't wait till my next shopping spree! This makes me so happy!" She approaches and hugs me. I'm not one for personal contact, so I immediately push the freak away. Wait a sec, did she say...?

"Your _next_ shopping spree? You expect that I'll let you use me like that and that you'll be staying with me long enough for a second shopping trip?"

"Why not?" She sniffed. "I thought we were friends."

"No."

"You're mean!" Francois comes back with my card and hands it to me before cowering away from me appropriately.

"Mademoiselle? I will also throw in a Soul Phone, it's the way you communicate in this place. My number's in it, so if you ever need some fashion help, feel free to call me!"

"Soul Phone?" She laughs. "Like _cell _phone! How clever! And Francois, you have been the best help ever! No one in the human world ever treated me how I should be treated! Like the queen!" In a blubbery display of emotion, the two hug, with the guy bawling like a weakling.

"Oh, my sweet, sweet Kazuko! The human world lost a gem in your death!"

"Alright, let's go." I say, manly and impressive, as per usual.

"Au revoir! Mon frere du fashion!"

**POV Shift! :O**

That Francois, he was the best! I'll miss him! But, I'm gonna text him and call him for every fashion problem! Maybe he can help with Kenpachi. Ugh. Seriously, is that _blood_ on his robes? Tacky much? Anyway, we ditch the store, and start heading to Seireitei. According to the ever helpful Yachiru, we were in the third district of Rukongai, so it's only an hour's walk to our destination. Easy, even in my brand new strappy heels that boast leather, chains, and random buckles, not to mention pure amazingness. My dark, True Religion jean shorts go well with my faded tee sporting a cute little dinosaur going "Rawr". I'm certainly turning heads, probably on account of the fact that everyone else has on full length robes. That and the fact that I'm traveling with this huge gorilla with a sadistic grin carrying a tiny, pink-haired child make us look like a traveling freak show, I'm sure. Whirrrrr fast-forward (unless you want an account of an hour of pure nothing and Yachiru begging to ride the "pony", which is me, apparently) to the wall. It's huge and white, reminding me of Lord of the Rings. You know, like... old fashioned walls when people were constantly at war, with catapults and war elephants! I also recall Orlando Bloom in that mix, but I fell asleep during most of the movie.

"Alright! How do we get in!" I asked enthusiastically.

Hm. I must have failed to notice this guy almost as big as the frickin' wall sitting next to a door, but he gets up and says, "Hello Zaraki-taichou, Kusajishi-fukutaichou, and guest." Then, he heaves the door up, not even breaking a sweat. My pals don't seem as amazed by the super human feat, and just continue on.

"Hey, thanks dude. And the name's Kazuko! Don't forget it!" I've always wanted to say that. By stopping to talk to the giant, the less giant giant and the non-giant pipsqueak got ahead of me. I ran to catch up and followed them once again, bored out of my mind. You'd think death would be a bit more exciting, wouldn't you? In a matter of minutes, we stop at this bland building. The door is open, and I see a handful of people all dressed like Patchy the pirate over here.

"I'm going to my meeting now. Stay out here, and don't get in trouble."

"Pfft. Me? Trouble? Puh-lease!" I laugh nervously, hoping to drive him into a panic. He doesn't seem to care, and with a shrug, he disappears behind slowly shutting doors. "So, Yachiru. What do you do for fun around here?"

"Well, I like to mess with Baldy-kun and Yun-Yun! They're in our division, I'll introduce you!"

I always did have a thing for shaved men... "Sounds awesome. Lead the way!"

Turns out, you don't let a freakin' kid "lead the way". After about an hour of turning down dead ends and her making me carry her as I scale walls to get a look-see about where the crap we are, we finally make it to her division. It looks like all the other barracks we passed, but with an "11" painted on a diamond-shaped sign over the entrance. We go through, and immediately there are cat-calls and crude remarks. I'm used to it, after all, I am me, but poor Yachiru! I cover her young, innocent ears.

"Don't worry, Pinky-chan! I will protect your ears from vulgarities!" I turn on the numerous, obviously drunk, men. "You should be ashamed! Slandering a woman in a child's presence!"

She giggles, "I've heard worse, Cocoa-chan!"

"Oh, well then that Kenpachi has a lot of explaining to do! What kind of dad is he?"

"Well, you could help him!"

"Me? A babysitter?"

"Yay! I have a mommy!"

I roll my eyes, "I never agreed to anything, but fine, I'll be your mommy!" Kids, they're so irresistable! And now, I have a child, without having to go through labor pains, or weight gain. Shudder.

"Alright! Now let's go meet Shiny-head and Girl-or-guy." Ooh, a gay guy! I've always wanted a gay best friend! Damn, I have Francois. Well, I just won't tell him about my other friend, Mwuahahaha! Yachiru drags me to a large building, a traditional Japanese dwelling with slidey doors. Have these people ever heard of knobs? Sheesh. She opens—er, slides—a door open, and cheers.

"Yay! Baldy! Yumi! I want you to meet someone!"

A bald—definitely not shaven—man with strange red marks around his eyes stares at me creepily. I don't wanna know what's going on in that chrome dome of his. Beside him lounges a feminine man, with... feathers? On his face?

"Are those feathers... on your face?" I point to his face... with feathers...

With a flip of his purple hair, he sniffs indignantly, "Yes. And what of it?"

I approach him, then exclaim, "Ohmigod! That is amazing! I can't believe I've never done that! I mean, I've done sparkles, and I've done crazy paints, but feathers? What, do you apply them like false eyelashes? You've gotta tell me!" He seems surprised that I'm complimenting him on his fashion, but gets over it as he beams.

"They can be a pain, since I have to custom order feathers from my far-off source, but it's worth it. Beauty is always worth it, no? But, yes, I just use eyelash applicant and put them on as part of my daily routine."

"Amazing! Hey, will you be my GBF?"

"What?"

"My gay best friend?"

He seems near tears as he responds, with a sniffle, "It's an honor to finally be understood by a fellow soul striving for beauty." Yay! New gay best friend!

"Um? I'm still here!" The bald guy waves his fists in the air, the movement jostling his head into the light from the window, blinding me with its glare.

I shield my eyes, "Sorry, who are you again?"

"The name's Madarame Ikkaku. Third seat of the eleventh squad. Who the hell are you?"

"Kazuko. Don't forget it." Score, twice in one day! "And what's your name, new gay best friend?"

"Ayasegawa Yumichika, fifth seat."

"Sweet. All my buds could kick ass!" I laugh.

"So, who are you, exactly?" Yumichika asks.

"She's my mommy!" Yachiru yells as she glomps me.

Yumichika looks faint, and Ikkaku sprays his drink that had previously resided in his mouth. "What?" They both shout at the same time."

"You..." Ikkaku says articulately.

"And..." Yumichika adds, with equal grace.

"Taichou..." Ikkaku, again

"Sex..." Yumichika, with a pale face.

"Together?" They both finish in sync.

I flush, realising that my "daughter" probably shouldn't go around telling people me and Kenpachi are her parents. "Gah! Ew! No! Yachiru just nominated me to be her mom! I just met her and Patchy, like, yesterday!"

This seems to calm them down, but Yachiru still seems to be stuck on the idea that I am her _real _mother. "Yay! You and Ken-chan will have to make it official, mommy! I'll plan everything, and I'll be the ring bearer, the flower girl, the caker maker, the dress designer—"

A gruff and all too recognizable voice booms from the doorway, "What the hell are you talking about, Yachiru!"

"Yours and mommy's wedding! You are both in love, and are gonna marry for my sake!" I look to the scary taichou, whose glare only intensifies his similarities to a horror movie monster. My eyes widen as he snarls at me, probably thinking this was all my idea!

"Oh shit..."

* * *

**And, second chapter done! :D Hope you liked it! Also, when I read Kenpachi stories, they always have him swearing up a storm! But, when I watch the anime, he doesn't seem to be a huge potty mouth, just the occasional vulgarity! So, sorry if he's OOC! Haha, he's so willing to just blow off money, eh? But, I highly doubt he ever shops, I mean, he could just kill someone and jack their clothes! Anyway, reviews welcome, and if you notice any inconsistencies, have questions, or just want to rate or review, don't hesitate to do so! And, sorry if the tense confuses you. It's supposed to be past tense, but there's a lot of present tense thrown in there to make it seem more like Kazuko is actually telling the story, recounting the details as if they're happening right then and there! And finally, I'll probably have the next chapter up in a week or so, but you know me! Slackin' is my thing...**


	3. Chapter 3

**You know who's the worst person ever? Me! D: I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to post! School's been super busy from day one, especially in English... man it's killing me ]:**

* * *

"Hey, Patchy! Lovely..." I rack my brain for something to distract him from what he may have heard. "...weather? Ya! Nice and... sunny?" Judging by his still-there glare, he's not falling for it. Hey, I'm not so good at diverting people's attention away from me, I'm normally, like, trying to stay _in_ the spotlight!

"What?" he barks.

"Alright, nothing to see here!" I laugh nervously. "Who wants to go outside? And go for a walk! You know, at least 60 minutes of excercise daily is recommended for a healthy heart. _I_ heard that—"

"What is this crap you're spreading about being Yachiru's mother?"

"Hey, she started it! And it's not spreading! You just barely heard it! And I would most certainly never ever ever have a kid before 30!"

"And I wouldn't have a kid with _you," _he spat back.

Ouch.

"Well, gee. I didn't think it would be _that _disagreeable!" I crossed my arms over my chest and pouted. What a jerk!

"Whatever, just don't let it happen again," he grunts.

"Fine," then, under my breath, I add, "You big, oafish gorilla."

I certainly didn't expect him to hear me, but, with my luck, he does. Before I know it, he's up in my grill, lifting me by my collar. I had taken off my heels moments before, setting them by my Humana shopping bags, so he had a good seven inches of space to lift me to his eye-level.

"Don't get too comfortable here, because if you annoy me, I'm not letting you stay, got it?" I nodded weakly. He set me down. "Now, I'm going to take nap."

"A nap?" I asked when he had left. "How very unmanly of him."

"I would listen to him, Kazuko," Yumichika chimed in. "He can get pretty angry, and if you make him that way, you'll regret it. He probably wouldn't just send you back to Rukongai; you may find yourself back in the human world before you know it; you know... reincarnated."

I paled. There was no _freakin'_way I was gonna sit through potty training all over again. "Alright, I'll just avoid him till he cools down I suppose. Hey, Pinky?"

"Yes, mommy?" she giggled.

"Are you always gonna call me that?" I sighed, but continued, "What do you normally do when the bear's asleep?"

"I hang out at Byakushi's!"

"Is he your friend?"

"Ya! He doesn't like me much, but his house is so fun and he always gives me food!"

"Well, I suppose as your primary female caretaker I should go and meet your friend, sound good?"

"My primary female caretaker? Yay! You're my PFC!"

Well, the acronym that makes me crave some fried chicken is better than being called mom, so I merely nodded. "Yes, I'm your PFC thingy. So, where does this kid live?"

"In the 6th division. That's where his manor is."

Hm. A rich kid. I wonder if he has an older brother. "Alright, lead the way then!" She jumps on my back at this and giggles.

"Ok! This-a-way!" she exclaims as she points in a random direction.

Due to my recently developed short term memory loss, I forgot how unreliable the little girl really is at giving directions. Again we find ourselves lost.

"Hm, I think it's this way actually," she ponders aloud while pointing towards where we freakin' came from!

"Alright, no more listening to you," I grunt. "We are going to ask for directions." I notice a group of Shinigami walking a bit off, so I head towards them. "Hey!"

They all turn, and a guy with outrageously red, spiky hair speaks up first, "What do you want?" He notices Yachiru and stiffens a wee bit. "Oh, hey Kusajishi-fukutaichou."

"Hi Spikey-kun!"

I roll my eyes, "Spikey-kun? How original." I re-focus on the matter at hand: getting directions. "I'm looking for the sixth division, Red, you know where it is?" See, the nickname Red requires so much more creativity than Yachiru's Spikey. That's why I'm the artist.

"Hey, I'm the fukutaichou of that division, and my name isn't Red. It's Abarai Renji"

"Ya ya ya. Can you point us in the right direction, Ginger?" I snicker as he flushes.

"Stop that! Who the heck are you anyway?"

Of course Yachiru has to open her mouth, "She's my mommy!" All four of them have shocked faces.

"So are you with Zaraki-taichou? Like.. _with?"_ A tiny girl asks.

"Hell no! Yachiru! What did I tell you about telling everyone that?"

"Oh, sorry! She's my primary female caretaker."

"So, a babysitter?" Asks a soppy looking blonde guy.

"If you want to put it like that, then yes, I'm the babysitter. The hot babysitter, mind you."

"Sure are," says a guy with dark hair and tattoos on his face. I try not to snicker at the prominent 69 on his cheek. But, I shant ever judge someone for rolling that way, especially someone who happens to be flirting with me.

I smile at the compliment, "Why thanks, sweetie, but I don't date guys shorter than me." (which unfortunately seems to be everyone due to my giant frame) "Anywho, can you please lead us to the 6th division?"

"Sure, I was heading back anyway." Ginger turns to his friends and says, "See ya guys. Lunch same time tomorrow?"

"Sure," says the girl with a smile.

"Okay," says the 69 man.

"I can't. Gin-taichou is having a mandatory training session for all the third division members," the soppy guy says with a frown, making him look even soppier.

Our tour guide nods, "Alright, well we'll eat at the usual place, so if you can get out of it, you can meet us, 'kay?"

He nods and, with a flash, dissapears. The other two follow suit. "Alright," Renji says once they leave. "Let's go." He proceeds to lead us down several alleys and twists—if we hadn't found him, we'd have never gotten to the place. Like the other divisions, this one had a fancy arch at the entrance, though this one had the number six written on a plaque. "Okay, I've got to get back to work. Can you two find your way from here?"

I look to Yachiru expectantly. "Yup! I can take it from here, Spikey-kun!"

He nods then rushes away after I give him a curt "Thanks."

"Are you sure you know where you're going?"

"Mmhmmm! I'll show you to the tunnels!"

"...tunnels...?" Before she answers me, she hops off my back and drags me past several buildings. In minutes, we're in some type of garden. In front of us stands a huge wall of ginormity. "Please don't tell me we have to climb that."

"Well, it'd be easier if we did."

"Sorry, kid. These heels don't scale walls."

"Okay!" she picks me up above her head and I let out a little squeak of surprise.

"Hey! What are you— How are you— Let me down!" With a jump, we're on top of the wall. I'm not afraid of heights, but this was pretty freaky as I found myself being supported by a freakin' five year old on top of a 20 foot wall. Another jump later and we're safely on the ground. I collect myself and scold Yachiru, "Never, and I mean _never_ do that again!"

She frowns, "Fine. Okay, this way!"

Unfortunately "this way" meant, okay Kazuko, let's wade through ten million feet of bug infested shrubs, complete with piercing thorns and spiders so that in the end we can crawl through a tiny hole in the dirt. Fun stuff.

"Yachiru? I think that may have been poision ivy," I say, scratching my exposed arms. The cave has gotten bigger, big enough so a normal human can stand comfortably, but not for a 6 foot human with 3 inch heels. I end up having to hunch a bit as I follow the little girl. There's this light coming out of her palm, a bright, pink, glowy thing, as if she's holding some type of spherical glow-stick out in front of her.

"Don't worry, it's not! You'll get used to it after a while."

"Lovely. So, what is this place?"

"They're tunnels I made so I could get around Byakushi's house without being detected."

"You _made_ these? How is that even possible?"

"I used spirit energy to cut through the earth. It took a while, 'cause I could only work when Ken-chan was asleep, even though he does sleep a ton." She seemed so proud of her work, and for once she wasn't giggling or teasing. "Ya know, you're the first person I've taken through the tunnels."

"Really? Well thanks. These are way cool. As long as there's no more bugs..." I shiver at the thought of more creepy, crawly critters, but so far I haven't noticed many in the tunnels.

"They stay away from the light," she explains.

"I see. So, if this Byakushi dude is your friend, why do you have to sneak around to see him? Is it" I put the back of my hand to my forehead dramatically, "A forbidden love?"

She giggles at my antics, "No, he's a noble, so he doesn't really like to be seen with me."

I frown. It's weird how totally outdated Soul Society is. "Well, if he doesn't want to love you despite what others think, maybe you shouldn't love him."

"Love? Byakushi doesn't love me. We're just friends." I detect a faint blush on her cheeks, even more prominent than the ever-present pink marks.

"Aw, my little Yachiru has a crush! Don't worry about it, I won't tell Kenpachi. He seems like he'd be the over-protective type of dad."

"Yup. He's—" she looks around, then grins. "We're here! Okay, so keep close to me, and stay quiet. The tunnel will go uphill now a bit and it'll be closer the the manor's floors, kay?"

I nod. She turns down a hallway and down another and another. It's amazing how she can navigate this place so easily yet has difficulty with the whole direction thing above ground. Our footsteps echoe against the pressed ground below and the rounded walls, making it sound like there were many pairs of feet travelling with us. Totally creepy. Soon, there's a dead-end, and at first I think she's gotten us lost once again, but she points up. There's a faint circular outline above us. She climbs up the wall which is filled with little divots as a type of makeshift ladder. She pushes against the circle and, after a few seconds, it jerks up and she's through. Soon her form has vanished through the hole, which is shining a bit of light on the spot in front of me.

Her head pops back, upside-down pink hair swishing haphazardly. "You coming?"

"Ya, ya, hold your horses."

"Are you gonna buy me a pony?" she asks excited.

"No," I huff as I climb up the wall. Now I'm through, free as a bird. The air is so much fresher here, and I can finally breath clearly! I hate musty places, and dirt, and well... nature overall.

Luckily, it seems we're through with nature, as I find us in the middle of a white room. The screen is shut, though I can see a tall silhouette through it. I brush myself off, even though, being myself, I am perfectly clean and beautiful. The silhouette, I notice out of the corner of my eye, is now at the door, though I don't pay attention till he's actually through it.

Have you ever seen a god-like hunk of man? Yum! Well, here was one right now! Sleek hair, like my black convertible I had back home, with a crazy head piece that was just plain hotness. He had on a white robe, thin but not thin enough to give me a good view (dammit!). Now I ain't no skank, but I would've submitted to this man anytime, anywhere, anything. I immediately put on my 100% successful flirty eyes and greet him.

"Well, hello. Sorry if we're intruding, I'm Kazuko. It's a pleasure to meet you." My voice is dang sexy, if I do say so myself, and he regards me for but a moment before turning to Yachiru.

"Kusajishi-fukutaichou and guest, how did you get into my residence?" he asks coldly. And by coldly, I mean smokin hot but with no emotion.

"Um, ex-cah-yuse me! It's Kazuko. Kah-zoo-koh! Try it out, rolls of the tongue, don't it?"

He chooses not to flatter me, but turns to Yachiru and repeats his question. I roll my eyes. Does he not see the gaping hole behind us? But when I turn to survey the area, I notice it's been shut and sealed, without a single seam revealing its location.

"I was let in!" she lied, which I'm sure he knew.

"I ordered them to not let you in."

"Hey!" I interject. "I don't know who the crap you are, but you can't just go around denying the rights of a girl in love! We came here to re-unite the destiny-bound couple, who've been ripped apart by your silly old-fashionyness and crap!"

"Umm.." Yachiru frantically stutters and blushes, pulling my top.

The man glares, and replies, "I see you are new to Soul Society in your ignorance concerning my identity. I am Kuchiki Byakuya, head of the Kuchiki clan and taichou of the sixth division."

"Eh. I've met a captain before, don't act like it's a big deal. Now, Yachiru, where's this Byakushi person?"

She points at the perfection before me.

"Him? Puh-lease, you could do so much better!"

"Pardon?" he glares once more.

"Nothing," I huff. "You're just kind of a jerk. Acting all high and mighty, when my mini me only wants to be friends with you! It's just plain rude! She's only like 5!"

"Well, what concern is it of yours whether I am kind to Kusajishi-fukutaichou?"

"It's my _concern_because I'm her primary female caretaker! Responsible for helping her deal with any and all heartbreak seeing as Patchy epicly fails at it!"

Now he seems a bit taken aback. "Primary female... you mean to say that you are her mother?"

"Yes!" Yachiru squeals. "She's the best mommy in the world!"

I flick her softly on the head and huff. "No! I'm neither her biological nor step-mother! So stop saying that!"

He stares, and I detect a faint twitch of amusement in his eyelid. "So, you are currently residing with Zaraki-taichou and watching over his daughter?"

"I suppose, although I honestly just got here, so my room arrangements aren't quite finalized. And, I'm only watching over her because Patchy was being a jerk, even more than you!"

"I see. Well, may I ask again why you are here?"

"My poor little Yachiru just wanted to see her best friend, who lives here. But it's you, so, even though you've been nice for like the past two dialoges interchanges, you're kinda mean, so we'll be going."

He shrugs and sits on a plump cushion and sips at his steaming tea. I sniff and walk out, with the little pink girl in tow. I decide that we should go back to my temporary home, and possibly face the wrath of... **gulp**. HIM.

I cringe, and Yachiru looks at me funny, but I ignore it. Soon enough, using the front entrance, we're out in the all-to-familiar white tiley outdoor corridors.

"This-a-way!" Yachiru leaps on my back and points forward.

"Hell no! We are gonna find a kind sap—er, person—to lead us all the way this time!" I look around, but it's like a ghost town. It's way past noon, so people shouldn't be out to lunch, but it's too early for them to have gone home. "Maybe they went out for coffee?" I suggest.

"I think everyone's training. It's Tuesday!"

"...and your point?"

"You know, Training Tuesdays Three o'Clock?"

"That name's tackier than my first pop single! What kind of tradition is that? Damn I hate alliteration!" Sorry, Mrs. Davids, my old English teacher back in tenth grade: rhetorical strategies make me nauseous. So did Hamlet... gag. Just choose whether to be or not already!

Oops, sorry, another English rant...

So, we trudge ahead, questing for hours on end to reach our goal. I'm totally kidding. It took like 20 minutes. There happened to be convenient signs and maps throughout, just like at malls! Except, you know, without any fun and happiness, but whatever, I'm dead, so I'm probably not entitled to those types of enjoyments. Hmph. I will always have a sense of entitlement, even after death.

I can hear the hubbub from the raucous crowd of the eleventh division before we get there.

"Yay! I bet Ken-chan's having a ton of fun sparring!"

"For some reason, I don't know if I want to see this..." I mumble. If that guy wasn't violent enough before, now he's got a sword in motion? And by in motion, I mean swinging at some guy's head! "How did Patchy become captain?"

"What do you mean? He's strong!" Yachiru defends.

"I know, I know! It's just that... The other captains have a type of grace and intelligence and respect about them, and he... doesn't."

"He killed the ex-captain, so he got promoted! But, he doesn't even have Shikai, let alone Bankai like the other captains!" She holds her hands to her mouth like it's some dramatic secret.

"I have no clue what you're talking about, but I'm not surprised about it. Him killing the ex-dude, that is." As I finish my sentence, we enter the eleventh division training arena, a giant open courtyard surrounded by high walls, most of which are heavily cracked with human-sized craters at various points. Now, I'm not one to accuse, but I have a feeling that the six-foot-seven-inch dude with spiky hair standing in the middle of a dust cloud over a heap of bodies with a maniacal grip and blood drops on his face, may have had something to do with the mess. Yachiru and I approach, attempting to get to the bleachers filled with black robe-clad people when he speaks.

"How did you lot become seated officers? It's disgraceful to my division! What kind of captain does it make me if I amin charge of a bunch of weaklings like you?" Someone attempts to speak, but is silenced by Patchy's growl. "I won't finish you off, because you didn't provide any challenge." He turns and walks off, and nothing unusual happens.

That is till some dumbass decides to go all hero and slowly stand up from the mound of bodies.

"You... you bastard!" he screams. Kenpachi turns with a bored look. The man continues, "You just come into this division, kill our captain, and become a dictator! When you can't even release your damn sword!" He assumes a fighting position, and the arena is silent.

"Sounds like treason to me," Patchy smirks. "And here I thought you were all too weak to rebel. Turns out one of you is stupid enough." He mirrors the man's position, and then they charge.

No surprise who comes out on top.

As Kenpachi stands over the collapsed, gasping man, he shakes his head. "You didn't even scratch me. I will finish you, but only because your treachery is a shame to the Gotei 13. He raises his sword and is about to stab the man, when some dumbass decides to go all hero.

That dumbass being me.

I leap up and beat Patchy to the punch by kicking the man out of the way of his sword. He glares at me, but is obviously impressed my sudden speed (honestly I have no idea how the crap I did that...). The guy's kind of groaning, but hey, why's he complaining? I saved his life, and now I have to face this brute. We have a short stare-down, till the break the silence. "How was your nap?"

This question throws him off-guard, but he replies with a huff, "Fine."

"I see it didn't make you any less grumpy."

With another glare he sheathes his sword and walks away.

"Jerk," I mumble.

He turns again. "I won't raise my sword to a useless woman who can't fight." And then he continues on his way.

"Why you little..." before I know it, I'm in front of him, as if I teleported right then and there! I don't know what happened, and neither does he, judging by the shocked look on his face, but I take advantage and wind up my arm, delivering a sturdy punch to his jaw. His head jerks back and he slightly skids a few yards, but other than that, it appears no damage was dealt. He stares at me for an uncomfortably long time. "Take a picture, why don't you?" I shout.

"Hmph. You bother me."

"Well, ditto!"

"Then leave."

"Huh?"

"Why stay in my division if you hate me?"

My face slightly softens. "I don't hate you! You just severely irk me!"

"Ditto."

I glare at him for using my words, but I'm just glad this stand-off didin't get physical. Then Yachiru bounds over and glomps my head. "Yay! Mommy and daddy are getting along and will sleep together tonight!"

Oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap! Must she have used those words? My face goes white as Patchy's goes red. Bracing myself for utter rage, I'm surprised when he doesn't blow up, but plucks Yachiru and leaves, without another word.

"That was odd," I voice aloud.

"Indeed," Yumichika says from behind me. I jump.

"God! You creeper!"

He ignores my comment. "If I'm not mistaken, I think our taichou was blushing."

"..." Is all I can say.

"No one's ever acted toward him like you, let alone a woman. I think he likes you."

"Now that, my gay best friend, makes absolutely no sense." I sprint off, though I feel my face heating up just a smidge as well.

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**Yay! It's done! :] listen, sorry for the delay, but life's complicated sometimes. I'll try to update this and my other stories quicker this time! Reviews and rates appreciated greatly! :] But, as usual, not required.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'll be honest, I should be working on my other stories, but this one's my fave! Like always, I have no plan of action, so hopefully it'll get somewhere haha :]**

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Man, oh man! I have _got_ to get Yachiru to stop saying such stupid things! That monster's gonna kill me! (Kenpachi, not Yachiru) So, I kinda spazzed and sprinted away, hey, I'm not a fan of confrontation, and my gay best friend was insinuating some things I'd rather not hear. I'm not sure how I'd deal if Kenpachi liked me in that way. He certainly seems like he'd be... aggressive in his wooings, and if you remember, I'm not like that. In my distress, I pull out my ever-present soul phone and dial the only person who could help. Someone who knew guys inside and out, and disturbingly enough, I mean that literally, for while this woman has been described as a total bimbo, she's actually got a Master's degree in Medical Science. The phone rings and rings, and right when I fear the dreaded "Hi, this is whatever" spiel will rear its ugly head, a voice sounds.

"Hello?"

I gulp. I certainly didn't fully think this through. I don't know if Morgan will appreciate a call from beyond the grave... (hmm... that sounds like an interesting movie! But has it already been done?)

"Hello?" she repeats. I can tell she's getting annoyed by the way she's drawing out each and every of the two syllables, making her "hello" last a whopping five seconds. "If this is a prank, you better know I am _not_ in the mood! So you better answer, or I'll find you and shove this phone right up your—"

"Mo! Mo! Calm down, it's me," I laugh.

"Oh, hey Paula, listen, I don't feel like talking at all."

"Paula? What the—? No, you may not believe me, but it's Kazuko."

There was silence, followed by a series of shouts and words that would be censored in the dirtiest of films. I'll clean up her general message for you: "Whatever art thou talking about? Kazuko is no longer with us, you foul female body part. I do not appreciate your tomfoolery in any way, and respectfully ask you to remove yourself and your voice from my presence, else I shall calleth the copseth." Ha! Shakespeare's got nothing on me.

"Just wait, you big hunk of jerky, it's legitimately me. I _am_ dead, but it seems that heaven's got cell service," I hope that she recognizes the nickname as being genuine Kazuko (don't ask why I call her that, she calls me Scarf-Llama). We've had these weird names for each other since we were young, when our parents first introduced us. I had just gotten a new trampoline, and she pushed me off repeatedly while her mom signed a contract with Japamer records on the patio concerning her eldest and only son Theodore, whose band would go on to become a huge rock sensation... to all the young people of Poland, at least. We've been friends on and off for years, but only recently had she been promoted to the position of my best friend. While her standards are certainly questionable, she's always been there for me, providing gossip and guy advice for me (when she wasn't interested in the guy herself).

"Excuse me? How would you know that?"

"Because it's me, you tub of cheese!"—another name, if you couldn't tell—"The genuine Kazuko."

She huffed, she must have something up her sleeve. "Well, if it is you, what's my favorite color?"

"Yellow."

"How tall am I?"

"Five feet and six inches."

"What's my fashion philosophy?"

"Never wear the same thing twice in one year."

"What's my sister's name?"

"It was Sophia, but she passed eight years ago. Come on, Mo. This is gonna take all day. You haven't trusted people ever since Jeremy in eleventh grade."

There was a long pause, and I checked my phone several times to make sure we were still connected. Finally, "But, how could it really be you?"

"It just is, Mo. I'm just as clueless as you. I'm in this horrible place. There's no fashion, no malls, no—"

"Did you say no _malls_?" she gasped.

"Yes! It's horrible! The closest place is this tiny department store, but the guy there's chill, he's my new gay best friend!"

"Lucky!"

"I know! But, it's like some type of… what's that one thing they call when you have to spend eternity in some lame place before heaven?"

"Purgatory?"

"Yeah! That, I think. Anywho, it seems that's where I am, and man, is it crowded! There's a huge city here, and I'm currently at this central place of command, and it's weird, because these people can travel back to earth, I've heard. They still aren't alive, but they can _be_ there."

"Then why don't you come back?" her voice was surprisingly weak, and I had to ask her to repeat herself.

I couldn't think of how to answer this. There was a faint niggling in the back of my mind that faking a life on earth would just be _wrong_. On so many levels. "I don't know, it's not like I feel I belong here, but I can't go back permanently. I'm dead. So dead, and nothing can change that." Between my words, I swore I could make out some sniffling on the other side of the phone. I couldn't believe it! "Are you crying?"

"Of course I'm crying! I've lost my best friend, and now she's calling me from hell and saying she could come back but won't! Why wouldn't I be crying?"

Damn. I had no clue my friendship with Mo was this poignant to her. I kinda figured she was using me this whole time, but apparently, she was truly my best—and only—friend. Man, that blows. But, I had to cheer her up, and fast.

"Listen, Morgan. I didn't call you for that. The truth is, I have a problem."

One last sniff, then, "What?"

"There's a guy…" I opened.

"Oh my God! No way! Even after death you're dating? I can't wait for that, myself!"

I laughed, typical Mo. "Well, we aren't dating. He's kind of a creep, and I just don't know what to do with myself! I've heard that he likes me, and he's not the type to ever like people. It's just so weird."

"Yeah, you've never really been strong with guys."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing! Just, you never seemed to care much about dating, you were so engrossed in your career. But now, you can focus on love!"

"Um. Okay? So what should I do?"

"Well, you haven't given me much to work with. I'd just wait it out, play cool, see how it works itself out. Be yourself."

"Okay, thanks! Sorry to bother you with this, I'm sure it's way weird."

"That's an understatement."

"Yeah… Well, I'll call you. Bye."

"Bye." Both of our Bye's sound the same: weak and trembling, as if we don't want to say goodbye again. I click my phone shut and trudge back to the eleventh division barracks.

Or so I think.

I'll admit, my sense of direction is probably about the same as Yachiru's.

Or worse, I can't tell right now, especially since there aren't any freakin' map signs anywhere, and there's a sudden increase in the amount of nature! And it ain't pretty foliage, either. It's dank and damp, and damn ugly, with dark green leaves dripping from decayed branches. It reminds me of the time my mom felt all home-maker and decided to prepare some creamed spinach, although I assumed this stuff would taste one hundred times better. The path goes deep into the forest. Being my sane self, I decide to turn back, but the path behind me has been covered. I'm completely lost. I stick to my original course, and soon I come to a wall. I must have traveled to the outermost part of the Seireitei place. Interestingly enough, there's a hole in the wall. Talk about great security. The path clears up a bit over here, so I follow it through the opening. Maybe someone outside will help me.

No such luck. After I cleared the hole, all I see is more mush, in all directions.

Now, I've seen horror movies, I hate them, honestly they freak me out, but I watch them, and I laugh at the dumb characters who put themselves in obviously dangerous situations then act shocked when some chainsaw-wielding murderer hops out from behind a creepy old merry-go-round. Yeah, I know what not to do, and how to avoid getting raped and murdered (well, given past experiences, maybe not that last one), but I think in this one situation, my common sense left me. Imagine this, a hot, young woman walking alone in a strange place, completely lost, without her protector and guide, clad in heels, and worse yet, no cell service. If you could imagine that without any problems, you'd have the perfect picture of my current predicament. Oh, and I start to hear something tapping on the uppermost leaves. Drip drip drip, the forecast is now calling for rain. I huddled my arms to my chest, but whenever I pass under a hole in the tree canopy, I feel like a football coach after winning the Super bowl, getting drenched by my sweaty protégés, or in this case, damn Mother Nature. It's hopeless. So, this Soul Society place isn't all it's cracked up to be; just like in life, you gotta get through a ton of shit to make it worth it.

Well, enter another ton of shit.

There's a chuckle behind me. "Well, well,well, aren't you a little out of place…" something hissed from behind me. I spun around, too quick, so I fell on my bum in the mud. The creature swooped down on me, grabbing both my wrists with one of its tentacles and lifting me to its eyes. "You seem a bit lost, little girl, would you like some help?"

I writhe and I kick, only to the thing's amusement. Then I remember. "You're a hollow."

"Yes, not just any hollow, but the hollow that will end your stay in our lovely Soul Society. And, I must say, you're one of the tastiest morsels I've ever laid eyes on. It's not often that young, beautiful women enter my lair, they're much too smart for that. Well, not you, I suppose." Its tongue slithered out of its mouth and flitted against my face, causing me to cringe away. I felt the saliva trail burn my skin like some kind of acid. It laughed again. "Yes, sorry about that. You see, my tongue is a bit like a poisoned barb, and sometimes it just can't help itself. My teeth are very week, so I use the poison to break down my food first. That was just a small lick; soon you'll be covered and decomposing. It's very painful, if the screams of my victims are reliable measures."

I started to panic. Dying for a second time? That was not an option. I thrashed and kicked, landing a sturdy blow to the hollow's eye. He yelped and dropped me. Despite landing on my heeled ankle awkwardly, I limped away as quick as possible, though I knew it was right behind me.

"Get back here, you bitch!" Its tentacle shot out and gripped at my injured leg, and naturally I winced and stumbled. Now it was holding me upside down, gravity doing the job of exposing my abdomen as I remained up in the air. His eye looked me over with interest, an intense, lusty hunger. Before I knew it he lashed his tongue at my stomach, several times in quick succession. I let out a cry, but didn't scream, until the acid started burning more intensely. My shriek could have curdled blood, and it obviously caused some kind of discomfort for the hollow.

"What the hell? That was no human scream…" he soon became disoriented, and dropped me once again, this time with me landing on my back. I tried to stand, but each movement caused more and more pain, starting at my stomach and face, then spreading throughout my whole body. Not only was I burning up from the inside, but I was paralyzed. Suddenly, a new spasm hit me, jerking my whole body. I screamed, louder than before, louder than I thought possible, screaming out the last hope I had in this life.

"Kenpachi!"

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I was finally enjoying some peace and quiet. Yachiru was napping, Yumichika was at the salon, Ikkaku was training, and Kazuko was off in her own world. I was happy, or rather, content, because Zaraki Kenpachi is rarely happy. Bloodthirsty and maniacal? Yes. But happy? No.

Oddly enough, ever since that Kazuko girl came, while she is a thorn in my side, I haven't been as lonely. Sure, we don't talk a lot, and we're very different, but I feel a type of clicking. It's almost as if we've become friends.

But don't you tell anyone that, or my zanpakuto will be rammed down your gossipy throat in a heartbeat.

Hey, I may be a big thug, or a ruthless captain, call me what you will, but I do have my emotions. And right now, I was worried. It was nice without Kazuko, but I really wanted to know where she was. According to Yumichika, after I left, she stormed off in the opposite direction, though I'm not sure why. I am hoping I didn't upset her too much.

Not that I care. She can leave, if she wants. I won't be too upset.

Totally not caring about her, I decide to look for her. It wouldn't look good on me if she went missing, or worse, died, now would it?

But, I wouldn't think about that. Only an idiot would get herself killed walking around Sereitei…

I quicken my pace at that thought. There haven't been a lot of shinigami who've met her, so I'm not sure who to ask. Then I see that prissy ass, Kuchiki. He seems like he knows a lot of people, so why wouldn't he know Kazuko?

"Hey, princess!" I call.

He turns, "My name, Zaraki-taichou, if you really do not remember, is Kuchiki-taichou."

I smirk at him, remembering just how fun it is to mess with him, "Sorry, your highness."

"What do you want?"

What am I doing, standing here thinking of ways to bother him, with Kazuko missing? I mentally slap myself. "Have you seen Kazuko?"

Even Byakuya seems a bit shocked at the emotion in my voice. Damn, I'm looking like some type of pussy over here. "The woman who was with Yachiru?"

"Yeah."

"I haven't seen her recently, although my fukutaichou said he saw her walking towards the outer walls, completely oblivious to anything around her."

"Alright, thanks."

He nods. "If I may ask—"

"You're gonna ask anyway," I interrupted.

"Yes, well, who is she? To you anyway. I'm not one to believe rumors, but Yachiru did claim the woman was her mother."

I chuckled, so it was Yachiru who started it then, just as I had thought. I just liked giving Kazuko a hard time. "No, just someone we picked up in Rukongai. A random soul who seemed interesting."

"You know that if she is to reside in the eleventh squad barracks, she must become a soul reaper."

I laughed aloud at the thought. "Kazuko with a sword? I'll have doomed us all." I shook my head and walked off, in the direction of the outer walls.

Hey, what do ya know, when properly motivated, I can actually find my way. As I'm walking along the wall, that's when I hear it. Just a short little scream, albeit an alarmingly shrill one, straight out of a horror movie. I run toward the source, but stop when it starts up again.

Sounding a lot like Kazuko.

Sounding very much in pain.

Screaming my name from the other side of the wall.

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I rolled on the ground, trying to quell the burning sensation. My scream sent a blast of adrenaline through my system, but it also got the hollow's attention. Regaining its composure, it advanced toward me again, though much slower and clumsily.

"I'll kill you, you brat. My ears will be ringing for a millennium, the hell?" He brought his tentacles to his earholes, shaking his head to empty it of the noise. Well, at least I put up a fight, although I'm not sure how my scream did anything.

By now the pain's almost unbearable, and I think the hollow's picking up speed. Maybe I wasn't meant to live, if I can't even pass my second chance at this, what's the point? I can already feel my body shutting off, the adrenaline running its course to no avail. In addition to the fire inside me, the thing wraps its slimy tentacle around my waist, squeezing hard, and causing me to give out my last sputter of a scream. Its tongue flits in and out, in and out, then I black out.

I can't believe this, somehow Kazuko found a hole in the wall, literally. And, she went right through it, straight into this guy. The hollow with the acid tongue, infamous for killing thousands of Rukongai inhabitants. He had dropped off the map years ago; we'd thought he was dead, but apparently not.

Well, he will be now.

He's got Kazuko by her waist, she's dead white, with trails of blood on her face and dried through her shirt. That sick monster is licking any bit of skin he sees. Now that really ticks me off. Completely blinded, I ran and jumped at him, swinging my blade in every direction. I chop off its tentacles, one by one, its horns, its tongue, and anything I can get my hands on, I tear and slice. Absolutely no mercy. He'd be a tough hollow for most ranked shinigami, I'm sure, but unlike others I've faced, I wasn't fighting for fighting's sake. I had to save Kazuko. I could tell she was dying, and it was all this beast's fault.

After that slaughter, I crouch beside her. She's still breathing, although each breath is ragged and shallow. Unconscious, her body convulsed in a fit of coughing. I lift her gently, cradling her limp body as comfortably as possible. I'll worry about the mess later, for now there's only one thing, or rather one person, on my mind.

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I crack my eyes open just a smidge, and am immediately blinded by white light. So, I must be dead. For real. Well, at least the pain is gone. I'm sad I couldn't say goodbye to Mo, or Kenpachi. Or all of my new friends for that matter, although at the forefront of my mind was that big brute. I sigh, and a flood of relaxation cascades over my muscles. I finally feel free, relaxed. This second death is pretty nice, I must say. But, all good things come to an end.

There's a crash of a sliding door being slammed open. A table shakes from the impact and a vase topples over. "How is she?" an all-to-familiar voice bellows.

"Fine, Kenpachi, she'd probably be better if you'd stop doing that! Vases don't grow on trees, you know!"

The huge form plops down on a bedside chair. "I'm leaving now. She may wake up soon, but either way, she needs rest, alright? She'll be fine. It was lucky you got her here so soon." The door slid shut and gave a content click as if appreciating not being man-handled so roughly for once.

I decided to lay there, for while I wanted to get up, part of me was curious as to my condition. I started humming a bit, and I heard a squeak from the chair Kenpachi was tensed up in. He's really upset about me, I thought. But why? And, how am I alive anyway? I wanted some answers, so I slowly opened my eyes, fluttering my eyelashes just right for that perfect post-comatose effect.

"Kazuko," he said, quieter than I've ever heard him before, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, but where am I?"

"Fourth division. You got pretty beat up, leave it to you to find him."

"Who?"

"One of the most infamous hollows in history, he has many names, and he is a true monster."

"What happened?"

"I was looking for you when I heard your scream. He's dead."

I swallowed, imagining the things Kenpachi could've done. I almost felt bad for the thing.

"You were looking for me?"

He shifted again. "Well, I need someone to watch Yachiru when I'm busy," he huffed.

I smiled. "Wow, some pretty good protection for a babysitter."

He grinned his crazy-man grin, "It was a fun fight."

I laugh, then cough from the strain. I pull away my hand to see blood, but wipe it away before about to have an aneurism Patchy over here sees it.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, I just need some rest, though. Do you mind?"

"Nope." He nestles in the chair comfortably, and I wait expectantly. Didn't he get that I needed to sleep? …alone? I guess he thought I was asking whether he minded that I was sleeping at all. Idiot.

But, I fell asleep anyway, with that idiot by my side, knowing he was the only reason I was alive.

He may be an idiot, but as of now, he's _my_ idiot.

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**God, it's been ages since I've updated! :X So sorry! I've been doing stuff, involving life. So much drama. Let's just say I hate all German girls whose names start with L. No offense, but… urg. Anywho, hope you enjoyed! Rates and reviews appreciated, but as usual not required, but they're great motivators! ;]**


	5. Chapter 5

**What is this? Can it be? I'm alive! GASP! Haha, looking back at all of my stories, trying to figure how I can catch up, I realize that this one is my favorite to write, it's fun to let my inner snide bitch out, so expect a few chapters before the summer's end—hopefully. Since it's been a while, I've grown up a bit, haven't really taken any English or artsy classes (ChEg lyyyyfffeee), the style is gonna be a bit off from previous chapters. I think I like it better now though. Anywho, review, favorite, whatevs, do it for KazuKenny lufff!**

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By the time I woke up, the lights outside had clearly faded. The shadow extending from the vase hinted at the late hour as well, and I guessed it was about—well how the hell should I know, I'm not a sundial, damn. My knight in shining armour seems to have wandered off, so I proceed to stand on my shaky, slightly scarred legs. They've forced my into the ugliest smock imaginable, and the open back does little to protect me from the chill in the hospital.

I give myself a quick glance and shudder, partially with fear remembering the traumatic experience I was just forced to go through but also with rage.

"Aw hell nah!" I scream, cringing as a bit of my southern accent, squelched through years of vocal training, comes through. "That bitch did not just taint my tan!" I turned around in the small room to get a view of all the wounds. It turns out, that bitch did indeed taint my tan. Even though they were healed, the scars glared in the low light of the room, obvious against my lightly bronzed—not to mention sexily toned—body. I continued in this fashion, grunting and causing all sorts of commotion as I lamented my looks, praying all the while that none of that shit had hit this million-dollar face. Hell I had been selected to be the new CoverGirl till a drunken post-concert night in Bangkok had landed me in all the tabloids and spurred the company's agents to go for a more "safe and reliable candidate." Well, Taylor Swift can suck my nuts.

Just as I began verbalizing what I wanted to do to that punky, poppy, love-inept girl in addition to the sick, squid-like Hollow for tarnishing my self-confidence—damn, I hadn't had body issues ever since my pre-teens—a kind looking woman entered.

"While I am glad to see you recovered, and remarkably quick to be up, I would appreciate if you kept the noise down in order to bring maximum comfort to the other patients," she smiled kindly before pulling a clipboard out from her huge sleeves. She strolled up to me and checked my pulse, running her fingers over a slim but long scar on my forearm. "Turn around please."

I comply, "What's your name?" I then ask.

"Unohana Retsu, I am the captain of the fourth division." She prodded at the small of my back and I winced. "Sorry about the pain; you seem to have suffered the most abuse on the torso, most notably your lower back and abdomen. The scars will be sensitive for a while, I'll give you medication for that."

"Thanks, so, uh, you're a doctor then? And a captain?" I reasoned. Hey, looks like I'm smart _and_ pretty. Unohana's not the only one who can multitask.

"Yes, the fourth division is in charge of medical care for the Gotei 13," she explained, making me feel a bit dumb. But, I figured, I'm new here, I'll pick up on all the minor details eventually! "Alright, you should be good to go. Zaraki-taichou left some clothes for you, he wanted me to tell you that Yumichika picked the ensemble, so not to come whining to him if you don't like it. I also will grab the affects you had on you during the attack, and that medicine. Just a moment."

Soon I was alone in the room again, so I relaxed on the bed, waiting for her return. Thinking about the unexpected consideration for my fashion tastes from Kenpachi, I remembered that I still needed to properly thank the big lug for extending my existence one more day, putting my brain on overdrive in the minutes I had to spare.

Unohana swished into the room, sliding those wonky doors with such admirable grace, I must admit. She had a sack with my phone and salvaged accessories—including, thank God, my stilettos, a bit muddier than I had remembered but still wearable with a bit of shine—and the medicine she'd promised.

I picked up the pile of new clothes and squealed, he'd thrown in a mirror and makeup! Screw God and Kenny and Unohana, Yumi-kun was my new hero.

"If you don't mind me asking, how do you know Zaraki?" She watched in amusement as I struggled to control my giddy hand with my eyeshadow brush.

"Just met him, yesterday… well I guess two days ago now. He seemed like as good a protector as anyone so I joined him and the kid. I think we may be becoming friends actually, and it helps that Yachiru's there, he's not much for conversation. Or kindness. Or normalcy." I turned my back to her before sliding on my matching blue lace panties (Yumi officially passes Francois as my gay best friend and wins at life). "Are y'all friends?" Curse my southern heritage, haunting my speech patterns.

"In a way. It's professional. I've had to patch up far too many of his underlings over the years. I must say, though, he's never sat in and waited for one of them to recover. Even his 3rd and 5th seat, both of whom he is very close to."

My soft, gray swoop neck tee with studded accents at the shoulders was perfect to tuck into my high-waisted leather shorts. A pair of red, caged, 5 inch wedges along with some silvery bangles completed the look, and I was content with the result. My hair was a bit messy, so I felt justified in the slightly casual outfit.

I finally responded. "What are you implying?"

"Nothing, it's just odd to see him behave that way. I would hate to see him to get unnecessarily distracted while fulfilling his captain's duties, especially by someone not affiliated with Gotei 13" she smiled, but the tone was icy. I glared, and opened my mouth to speak but she beat me to it. "Dressing like that it's clear what you're after, and I must say I'm surprised at Zaraki's choice."

_This bitch…_ "Dressed like _what_ exactly? Sorry, Unohana-_taichou_, but I can't help the fact that your society of fashion-less souls is stuck idolizing the clothes of peasants from feudal times. I also can't help that I am the object of _amicable relations_ with your peer, someone whom you claim to have no interest in. I'll be sure to keep your opinion in mind however as I continue this friendship with him and Yachiru." The sarcasm-laced remarks only served to harden her stare, as well as my resolve. I glared down at her. "Good day to you, _doc_."

I stormed through the door, only to hear her attempt a reply. "I said good day!" I shouted back.

I was a bit more than miffed, and with good reason! That wench had just called me a hoar, and implied that I _wanted it_ from Kenpachi, of all people! Like damn, just because he's incredibly strong, actually taller than me, surprisingly good with kids, protective, and slightly bloodthirsty—

Wait… did I just chalk up "bloodthirsty" as a good thing? Fuck. I may be slightly twisted…

Regardless! That didn't mean I was with the guy! Like damn, can't I get a break? How long will it be till every damn soul reaper thinks we're an item? Would it be safe for me to stay in his division? What if he starts expecting something from me, or worse gets so offended that he kills me? Should I even go to him now?

I stop in my tracks. Far off in the distance I see the looming white walls of Seireitei. I also see a map, pointing me back to the 11th division barracks. I have to make a choice:

I somehow get by the walls and live in the streets. Get killed immediately by thugs, ruffians, or jealous TSwift fans who hate me for getting last year's Grammy instead of blondie.

I get by the walls, am attacked, am saved by a nobleman, and get married to some handsome nobleman and live my life in ugly ass robes—immediate no in my opinion. I need my fashion.

I get to the walls then get dissuaded by how frickin tall they are and come back here to make my choice all over.

I learn ninja arts and take over this hell hole.

I go crawling back to Kenny, thank him, yay we're all friends.

But then everyone thinks we're more than that so he kills me in an effort to not appear weak and emotional.

Or he makes it so we _are_ more and accidentally kills me—damn he's probably way too much in bed.

He kills me 'cause, in case you haven't noticed, the dude's insane!

I kidnap Yachiru from his scary grasp and he kills me while she giggles and splashes in my gore—hey, who knows?

Or maybe we just continue this awkward relationship and I actually grow to like this place and him and being dead and oh whatever all the other options are shit let's pick number 10 already.

With my decision made, a bit begrudgingly, I meander to Kenny's lair. I mean, he can't be too mad, he seemed perfectly fine when I was first woken up, maybe he really is a bit soft on me. I mean, who wouldn't be, I'm a total catch! But then, why wasn't he there when I woke up again? That was odd. But he cared enough to leave clothes and shit. Oh man I was stressing, and over a guy I don't like! Yup. Don't care at all. Kazuko Stonewall Johnson over here.

Nearing the barracks, my stomach drops as I hear the clangs and hisses of metal on metal, battle cries and thuds and grunts. It sounded like a frickin war, and I was walking into it willingly, all (apparently) sluttily dressed and bruised. Hmmm… Maybe the barely there shorts weren't the best pick to hide the scars. Finally I appear in the huge gateway, and it is a morbid farce.

A sharp wave of iron floods my nostrils, and while most would fight the urge to vomit, I fought to contain my laughter. Twenty people mobbed Kenpachi in an effort to land a blow, but he throws them off like nothing, barely moving more than he would to swat a fly. They land in a heap next to similarly bloodied shinigami. I roll my eyes, _Good effort guys_.

You know what? Screw it. Since when did I become a sniveling wimp? I'm KazuCocoa for Pete's sake, hella sexy, hella swaggy, and hella confident with guys; even if I'd been more concerned with my career, I always knew I could get it when I pleased.

So, I threw caution to the wind and walked right up to that psycho. I lean up, only a couple inches with my heels, and kiss him on the cheek, just teasingly though. "Not much of a bodyguard are you? Unohana could've torn me apart while you were gone."

He made no note of the kiss, but smirked as he admired his handywork, most notably the several craters decorating the field. "Sorry, had some shit to do." He pointed his chin in a motion to convey that it was indeed the mindless carnage to which he was referring.

"Not bad, but I'm a bit disappointed to see the buildings still standing," I looked at my nails as if disinterested—note to self, find nail salon ASAP, yikes!

Here he seemed taken aback. I didn't even flinch as he withdrew his sword, accepting the challenge. I felt a strong buzzing, his power was growing. While everyone physically fell to it, I honestly barely noticed. Hmm… interesting.

In a flash he sliced his sword. Nothing happened.

"Well, that was a cute show but—" I was cut off by the sliding of an entire frickin building, split clean in two from yards away by his energy. "Now that's more like it." I nodded my approval.

He humphed, not sure why he deigned himself to garner a positive response from me. "I'm hungry," was all he said before clomping away to the mess hall.

I shrugged, and was about to follow him when I saw Yumichika and Ikkaku, standing off to the side with Yachiru.

"Kazuko!" Yachiru screamed. "Yay! My mommy's alive! The big monster didn't eat here like Kenny said!" She proceeded to glomp my head, watching out for my shoulder studs.

"Of course kid, your daddy made sure I wasn't turned to Hollow-bait. …Yumi-kun…." I sang the last part, beautifully of course, damn could I ever singsong unnecessarily.

He and his friend joined the reunion. "I hope you are happy with the look," he gestured my never-ending frame.

"Couldn't be happier," I spun around, "What do you think Ikkaku-san?"

He smirked, "I'd say you look pretty hot if taichou wouldn't kill me for it. You've charmed him."

"Indeed, he was in quite the state before you woke up. Unohana-taichou reassured him however that you had remarkable spirit energy and would heal well, but he came back to begin this little vent-fest," Yumichika noted gravely. "You must be more careful or he'll kill us all."

"He didn't seem off to me…"

"He brightened considerably when you first woke, slept by your side for a bit, and then perked up amazingly when you came in here. He hadn't even gotten around to fighting half the squad yet you seemed to have tamed him."

"Mommy! You have to let daddy play still," Yachiru protested my apparent power over the beast.

"Hey what happened to PFC? Besides, he still had his fun I think. But, he was really that upset?" Now I almost felt bad for the guy. Maybe I shouldn't be so brash with him, he may take it the wrong way, especially when I'm so unsure about my feelings.

"Maybe you should train, to protect yourself. We'd be happy to help." Ikkaku nodded to confirm the sentiment and gave an actually non-creepy smile.

"Really? Aw y'all are the best!" I squeezed them all in my luff hug and only released them when the weakest—which turned out to be Yumi—turned blue in the face. "Now let's go eat!"

* * *

Arriving at the dining hall, I encountered a worse smell than Kenny's impromptu battlefield.

"Disgusting! You guys eat here?" I scrunched up my nose, cutely, of course.

"Not really, but taichou does for some reason. He doesn't seem to mind. I find it all so hideous, personally." Yumi's expression mirrored mine.

Nevertheless we grabbed trays and got our ration of dumpy grilled chicken, rice, and veggies, with a little cup of yogurt on the side. Finding the captain was about as easy as finding a seven foot tall beast with foot tall spikey hair speckled with bells in an empty 11th division mess hall. I know. We live the struggle.

We settled in with him earning nothing more than a grunt. I decided to leave my heartfelt thanks for a more private time with him and went with small talk instead.

"So Patchy, how was your day? Kill anything other than buildings?" I poked around at my rice, not really hungry for all the carbs.

He shrugged, "None were really worth it, as usual, but still great fun." There was a moment of silence before he actually attempted to keep up the conversation. "How was your hospital visit? Those scars look pretty nasty."

Yumi and Ikkaku practically choked on their food at his gentleness and approachability. Those were not normal traits for the captain. Yachiru sucked on a lollipop and giggled—hey shouldn't she be eating a balanced meal? Oh well, saving the good parenting for later. I accepted the small victory and answered in kind.

"Ya, they look pretty badass, huh? Unohana gave me some cream for the pain and hopefully to reduce the appearance, though, 'cause they are an eyesore. But she's kind of a bitch, don't cha think?" I guess I'd completely stopped caring about swearing in front of Yachiru, she's heard too much for it to phase her by now.

"She's alright, at times. And your scars, they fit in well with the rest of the division," he noted.

"You think? Well, that reminds me, I think it would be best if I had some informal training, you know, so the next time I get a scar I have a better story than 'I got the shit beaten out of me and had to scream for Kenny to save me'," I hinted. "Nothing too crazy, just basic stuff so I'm not a total sop if I'm ever on my own."

Now he glared, reverting back to his old, colder self for a moment. "Why would you be on your own? Planning to cut town already?"

_Oh shit sensitive much?_ I held up my hands, "No, no! Just in case. Obviously I have to stay here to train, and I can't leave you and Yachiru up to your own devices for a while. The whole place would be burned to a smoldering crisp in a week without someone actually responsible keeping an eye on things. Lord knows Yumi and Ikkaki barely help out with that!" They both began to protest, but Kenny's words blocked out their huffs.

"Fine, but I'll be in charge. Not sure I trust you with a sword with anyone weaker, you could get hurt." He seemed to notice his words. "I mean—you may not get hurt enough, which is what is needed to be stronger." He returned his focus to his food, seeming confused.

I nodded, "Fair enough, just watch, in a few days I'll be kicking your ass."

His grin was all I needed to see before regretting this agreement.

* * *

After going through, in painstaking detail, the training regimen he had for me, I may have fainted for like 3 seconds. I came to with rice on my face and a bemused looking maniac regarding me. We had been alone for a while now, Yumi and the others having left, and the conversation was actually really flowing. Sure, the flowing was caused by his excitement to, it seems, torture my body and mind in any way possible to order to help me become some kick ass warrior, but hey, I'll take it.

He chortled, gruff yet endearing, I thought, then stood up, "It's Yachiru's bedtime, we'd better find her."

I certainly didn't mind the "we," and wasn't at all perturbed when he opened the door for me. I didn't mind that he was all of a sudden a perfect gentleman and asking insightful questions about my opinions on fighting. It was really…. Like, really… nice.

Finally we got to his home and he let me in. Usually the taichou and fukutaichou lived separately but considering their relationship, the Gotei 13 made accommodations and made a huge house for them.

The TV was blaring in the front room, yet Yachiru had fallen asleep a foot away from the noise and lights, curled up with a stuffed bear. The sight was heart wrenching, even for me. I looked at Kenny, and mouthed, "Can I?" He consented and I crept up to the girl.

With a switch the TV was off, leaving us in blackness. He turned on a lamp so I could better fulfill this mission without injuring myself or the young child—dang, she's so young, yet so immersed in this very adult-like world. I couldn't begrudge her any of her childish antics, she deserved some kind of normalcy. I cradled her, how well she fit in my arms! Ack, too sentimental these days… I need to stop that!

Kenny pointed with his chin down the adjoining hall. It was pretty obvious which room was hers, oozing pink and ponies and happiness. I lay her down in her fluffy white bed, pushing back her bangs. I looked to the hall, no Kenny, so I quickly kissed her forehead. Ok, maybe it wasn't best to get too attached so quickly, but I'm gonna be here a while, may as well make the most of it. I pulled the hanging pink mesh curtain around her bed—so cool, always loved those things—and walked out the room while she snuggled deeper into the plush pillows. The door clicked shut behind me, and I couldn't help the smile on my face when I returned to the front room. I kicked off my shoes and lounged on the couch.

"Kenny," I said seriously.

He looked up from something he was reading behind the kitchen counter—wait, he reads too?—and quirked a brow, also slightly scowling, but that may just be his face.

"I think I love Yachiru," I confessed.

He chuckled, "Ya she has that effect. Just wait till the sleeping angel is awoken to a crazy demon."

I smile, and he soon comes over to the couch. "Want a drink?" he offers a glass of amber liquid and I accept.

"What is it?"

"Scotch whiskey," I flush, remembering my drinking experiences.

"What, no sake?" I joke. "I dunno… I'm quite the light weight…. It may be risky."

He brusquely pushes my legs off the sofa so he can sit too. "A rockstar who can't hold her liquor? Not very good at fulfilling your stereotype huh?" He takes a sip and seems to melt into the cushions.

First, I glare at him for unsettling me so. I just prop my legs back over his lap, sufficiently comfy, I must say. He just grunts, so it's whatever. Then, I take a sip. The burn on my throat is immediate, he didn't even add ice, yeesh, and I feel a warmth in me. "Eh, I'm not all about fitting a mold, just gotta be myself. A lot of celebrities try to impress by being all nice and shit, but I'd rather be honest, and my bitchy self thanks me everyday." Another sip.

He took a rather large swig, forcing him to refill his glass from the bottle that he pulled from somewhere in his cloak. "I don't think you're a bitch," we both finish our glasses. _Damn, alcoholic ass… _I think. He fills them both up.

"Thanks, you should talk to Unohana then. She was being so rude, insinuating things between you and me based on how I dress."

"It is a bit provocative, you must admit," he said.

I stick my tongue out. He smirks then gets up, once more upheaving me from my comfort. "I'm going to change, want to borrow a shirt or something? That can't be comfortable."

I don't chastise him for upsetting my legs since he's being such a gent. "Gee, that'd be swell, when'd you get so nice?"

He huffed, "It's hard to be harsh to someone who treats Yachiru right. She really likes you." He leaves me with his words and my glass as he retrieves bed clothes. I never would've pegged him as such a sweetheart. By the time he's back, my glass is empty and I've taken the liberty to refill for myself. Usually by now I'm drunk—I can't even outdrink my Asian friends, it's actually that bad, like you don't even know—but it's like I can actually handle my liquour now. Perks of death, I suppose.

Kenny walks back in a looser, plain gray robe and hands me a huge brown shirt… cute… I stand up and, never shy, strip right there, though I have the decency to turn my back to him. Discarding my too tight shorts and shirt, I thank God again for Yumi and the matching panties that Kenny's eyes are now privy to, and sigh as the cottony shirt billows around me, so much room to breathe. It's long enough to be decent so I return to my old position, sipping all the while. This may actually turn out to be a fun night, I think.

* * *

**Reviews fuel my hate fire. :] lmao that movie is flawless...**


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